Part 4...More About Abuse by Professionals Than BPD

Shortly before I turned 15 is when I began to actively self injure. This brought about more medications and different combinations that eventually lead to my being on 17 different medicines in the space of 2 years. The psychiatrists changed diagnoses from Depression to OCD to Bipolar to ADHD to Schizophrenia and the back to saying they really had no clue. This time my mom too the initiate to get me a new psychologist, remarking that after the last one I obviously couldn't do it right and got me set up with a lady who worked st the hospital where I'd previously been inpatient. I was doomed from the start, though this woman was raised in America she came from an Eastern European family and her conservative views heavily influenced her ability as a therapist. My tshirt, shorts, and sneakers were defined as "provocative dress" in her notes, and my shy glances at her, only looking up from the floor on occasion were labeled as "seductive behavior". She quickly informed me that she would report all details of our conversations to my parents, and strip searched me for signs of self injury. My few attempts to mention the past abuse or what I was still experiencing were quickly shut down with her telling me she was not going to indulge my hallucinations. I was told I was a troublemaker since my severe anxiety had resulted in my placement at an alternative school program and her treatment goals for me were very simple. 1- Accept responsibility for ruining my parent's lives. 2- Understand and be compliant with taking medications for the rest of my life. 3- Accept and prepare for my future in a state run institution. Her plans to this extent went as far as to present my mom with papers to sign away her legal rights, explaining that she and the psychiatrist she was working with could then place me in a state hospital and begin electroshock therapy. While my mother would've happily signed, my dad refused. My escape only came after she told the psychiatrist to put me on a medication which nearly sent me into liver failure and I got my mom to admit "Well none of the pills they ever put you on made you treat me any better!", she finally let me stop seeing the psychologist and go through the hell of withdraw to get off the medications.